Motherhood. What is it about that word that evokes so many different emotions? For me, motherhood has been an everlasting evolution. A journey of 19 years and counting. An odyssey that (God willing) will last for the rest of my life. We all have our own mom-paths, and in honor of mothers everywhere, I thought I would share a glance into mine.
1st child | The Stage of “less”
Looking back, I feel as though the suffix “less” encompasses the beginning of Motherhood for me.
I was:
~ clue-less
~ scared $hit-less
~ penni-less
~ count-less sleep-less nights
I became a mother at 19. Not my plan. Not my parents’ plan. However, little did I know it was God’s plan. When Jocelyn was born my whole world flipped upside down. I was only 1 semester into my college career. I could have decided that college life with a baby was going to be too hard. But instead of Jocie being my excuse to quit, she was my reason to stay focused on school. I needed that degree for her. I was focused on becoming a teacher to give us the life she deserved. She made me grow up and become responsible almost overnight and I am so incredibly thankful for that. It was college where I found success, where I found my future husband and where I ultimately found myself. And Jocie is to thank for that. The best part of all the stress of being a young mother? I ended up raising a fear-less daughter who continues to blow my mind with her end-less, relent-less determination to reach her goals. What a b-less-ing!
2nd Child | The Stage of ‘Perfection’
Fast forward six years. There had been a wedding, two college graduations, a move to Colorado, two first-time teaching jobs, many weekends spent skiing/boarding at some of the best ski resorts in the world, and then a move back to Minnesota for teaching jobs closer to home. Just one month into my new job, I found out I was pregnant with Ella. We were elated! This time felt different. I felt like I could rejoice in my news! I actually had a little money to do fun things like buy cute maternity clothes and design a nursery. I had this feeling that I wanted everything to be “perfect” this time. I did everything by the book: I ate right, exercised regularly, and only gained the prescribed 24 pregnancy pounds (unlike the 60 lbs I gained with Jocie : / ). But I would soon find out that perfection is a unicorn, and chasing it is exhausting and pointless.
3rd Child | The Mom-Trepreneur Was Born
Ever since I was young, I have always had somewhat of an entrepreneurial spirit (read: I am a bit of a dreamer). And after Claire was born, I started to get restless in my career. I just wasn’t content with my current teaching position. I loved my co-workers and my students (not to mention my schedule), but I was’t fulfilled. I suppressed those feelings for years…but I would always find myself fantasizing about opening a cute little shop of some kind. A coffee shop? A boutique? I didn’t know what for sure, but I always loved the idea of it. After falling in love with my first DSLR camera, a couple friends and I thought, “Why can’t we have it all? Why can’t we be teachers during the school year, and take on photo sessons on the weekends and during the summer?” We felt it would be a nice creative outlet for us as well as the opportunity to make a few extra bucks for our families to enjoy. So we took the leap together and dove right in. I am so thankful I was able to take the jump with friends by my side, because is it so scary to put yourself/your heart out there for all too see/judge. Little did we know just how many hours this “little business” can take up. How many trials and errors we had to go through. How little money we actually got to keep from what we are charging (YIKES). But oh how we learned! And it was awesome to be learning and growing together. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have the business I have today.
4th Child | Just Survive!
Many of you know my “Carter story”…it’s a very long story, so I won’t go into all the nitty-gritty details, but here’s the gist of it:
~ in the beginning stages of my pregnancy, tiny little Carter had to “just survive”
~ in the middle and end stage of my pregnancy. I was praying to “just survive”
~ during the delivery and first few weeks after delivery, we were both praying to “just survive”
By the grace of God we both came out of it healthy and happy. But then came the colic….for six-and-a-half loooooooong months. “Just survive”, I told myself, because this too shall pass. Oh how we both cried (and cried and cried).
Then came the professional change of Carl’s new principal job back in my home town. I left my secure/tenured teaching job with no full-time openings on the horizon (gulp). He left his secure/tenured teaching and coaching job for a non-tenured, non-unionized administration position at a private catholic school (double gulp). And BONUS, we couldn’t sell our home so we decided to rent it out until we were in a position to sell. Because of that fun fact, we were forced to move our family of six into my dad’s house. He says his heroic actions probably shaved 10 years off purgatory time for him. HA!
Some would call it stupidity, but we like to call it blind faith, because we felt this was God’s plan – and He always takes care of us. The good news is that Carl is still employed at the school we fell in love with (and the loving community that comes with it). I followed my dreams and have an adorable little photography studio in the heart of my beloved hometown. We have since bought a home and were able sell our other home after renting it out for three years (ALLELUIA!). We feel as though we ended up right where are meant to be.
But to be honest, I am still in a state of survival mode…most of all, I am trying to survive our crazy family schedule. Attempting to balance Carl’s everlasting evening meeting schedule with my work/photo session schedule, as well as our kids’school/activity schedule isn’t for the faint of heart. Just ask my friends who I frantically text on the regular with questions about school schedules….they know what a mama-mess I am! But you know what? I embrace it. Because after all, if I had a manageable life, I wouldn’t have my four awesome kids, I wouldn’t have a hard-working, dedicated husband and I wouldn’t have my dream job that I worked so hard to achieve. And heck, I wouldn’t have the daily opportunity to make other moms feel like they have their poop-in-a-group compared to me (you’re welcome).
So, mamas – in whatever stage of motherhood you’re in, I salute you. Our journeys might not evolve in the same way, but what we accomplish in a day is truly a miracle. I am sure most days you feel less than amazing. But let me assure you, you do amazing things for your family everyday. Don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate your daily victories!
And while we are on the mama-subject, don’t put off getting your photos taken with your kids! Don’t wait until one of your kids is at the “perfect photo age” (doesn’t exist), don’t wait until you lose that extra 10 pounds you want to shed, just get. it. on. the. calendar. Because as we all know, all of our lives are on the fast-track and is slipping away faster than we’d like to admit. Even if you don’t love how you look in all the images, your kids will cherish them.
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They love you unconditionally, and love you just the way you are. I don’t know about you, but I could never have enough photos of myself with my parents. I wish I had more! So if you don’t do it for you, do it for them.
xoxo,
Anne
